To my dearest Bright Eyes,
I think about you all the time. I think about our talks, our laughs and our hugs. We only met when I was a child. Life moved me away from you too young, it pushed me away from you.
I could barely walk and talk when I was already out the door. I was whisked away by the moving vans and strangers walking by. There was nothing you could do about, there was nothing you could say. You couldn’t come, you just had to conform yourself with a yearly visits. I was too little to understand, I had no idea what was going on.
As I grew up, I asked for you many times. I called your name, I called you on the phone. There were always tears in the way, there were always signs of despair. Your sad voice for not being able to see me, your shaky voice. You made sure I was sent the best stuff, even if it never got a chance to come. You always showed me love over the phone. You tried not to let it show.
As I continued growing, it felt normal not having you around. I didn’t seem to mind nor think about it much. But you were always in my heart, you always had a piece of my good wishes with you. Other kids had someone like you, at a drop of a hat or even just around for the main events. They had someone like you much more than me. I hung around with them as they shared with me their family events. It felt nice but not the same as with you.
Then, there it was, once in a while, you would come. Out of nowhere, you would come back and see me. Just me. You would hug me tight and drive me to the mall. You would dance with me and read me bedtime stories. You would do everything to make me smile. I was and am your youngest. I am your girl.
Oh! How I wish time would have stopped! Oh! How I wished life would have been different. I wanted you by my side. I needed you by my side. You needed me too but life took us through separate worlds.
Year after year, it became clearer that we weren’t going to see each other again, it was clear that distance came too far. I didn’t know how it was growing up having someone like you around. It went from once a year to once every three and now it has been 14 years. Yes, I counted them. I counted each and every one of them. Our phone calls became more separate. Our phone calls where still fill with the same love as always, the same blessings and kisses.
I want to let you know that I have always loved you. I knew you weren’t to blame, I know you did all that you could. I will always love you, you are always a part of me. Now, at this moment, as I just hung up with you, my immediate thought is the fact that I don’t know how much time you have left with us. It saddens my heart not being able to hug you once last time, it hurts as I think that you haven’t seen me grown up, it breaks my heart as I know you’re the last one left.
Since life drove us apart, it has only made me tougher. I pick myself back up and let myself know to appreciate every moment. To live every moment as I wish and not take anything for granted. As I get back up, I remember your words of wisdom… “You came into this world to spread the love,keep doing what you love and you will go far. You have made me proud.”
Silence. Sadness. And then ever more so, strength.
This goes out to you, this is for me, this is for everyone to see. I will spread the love, dear Bright Eyes.
I love you forever and always,
The Always Believer
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