My fellow readers and world creators,
I have talked about depression in the past and I am here to talk about it again. I want to express my feelings and train of thoughts rushing through my head right now. No matter when I wrote these lines or when you are reading them, I have felt the following things.
I don´t know where to start right now, nor do I ever. I much rather be talking about something positive but this thought of loosing it is overcoming the rest. Therefore, I need to get these ideas out to the light in. For the past year I have been overcoming personal fears, I have been standing out in the spotlight more than usual, I have been speaking what is on my mind and most of all, I have been reflecting on the present.
Depression is a very strong word that comes in all lengths and forms. I haven´t fully realized the depth of mine or what I went through but I do know it slowed me down enough to forget reality. I got lost throughout my thoughts, my own fears were slowing me down and what is worse, I was the only road runner in my mind. It took me to the darkest places, places of self-doubt, places of fighting every day against the mirror and even self harming myself in occasions. Apart from my book, I haven´t spoken about this much.
As I started to write again and started up my blog, my idea came out to be all about motivating you and helping your day shine! Then, I decided to expand this idea to a more personal one. This was due to other inspirational writers, other bloggers in general and most of all, friends. We are all humans and we are here to help one another. As I read real posts of other writers that I happily follow, I knew they were helping me as they wrote. I felt that I wanted to be true to myself, so by helping you, I will also help myself. Being as real as I want to be and as much as I can be.
For now, I am going to skip over past depression symptoms and focus on the now. This stage that I am in. This is my intention of this post. Coping with it… It´s been years after the main fall happened. And it´s been about a year since the last semi-fall happened. A lot has happened in between, of course. As you know by now, in my case, I´ve moved, I changed job direction and I´ve come to speak my mind more.
How does that depression affect me now?
Like this. Like having days of not wanting to move, not wanting to talk, not wanting anything at all. It still matters to some extent in my life because there are days that the sun just doesn´t shine. No matter which funny comedian I see or happy activities I do, I just come to a full stop. My mind goes on ¨Let´s not care¨mode and even worse so, over thinking becomes a natural step. Leading to seeing negative signs all over the place. This result happens every so often, it strikes whenever a small piece of my delicate tower wobbles, it comes when any piece of my tower has left … It looks small on the outside but feels like a giant on the inside.
This state of mind still happens, once in a while and at least for a few days. Because you see, I have gotten better, the way to pick myself up has become lighter and faster. Where it has taken weeks before, days has taken its place. These days in this case. Last time I was like this was in October, months have passed. It sprung a leak on my everyday happy life because several changes have happened. So, it could be normal. Feeling all insecure and silent with my thoughts. I just know that I can´t let it win. Because for others, it might be no big deal. But for me, it is one small fall and down from there. That´s it.
That is where I get the power from.
That smile that you see, those motivational posts that you get from me, those great quotes, etc… I get that power because I want to win this. I want to learn to live better each day. I want those stages going from every 3 months and lasting a week to gone and gone. This is where I get my strength from. I want to beat it. I want it gone. Not only depression but also any past trail … I know the road is rocky, having an amazing past or having mine. I also know that erasing it is a work in progress. I am as you see me, like this, right now. You see my cheerfulness and my willing to help. This is who I choose to be, who I want to be and most of all, what completes me.
Moving on, throughout the years, after therapy and such, I have got the education needed to help others too. Most of all, I have got my own personal motive: Always Believe. Spread those two words as far as I can to help. To make sure that the person who is listening know it is all ok. I know it is, I know that I have gotten to a great place in my life. I just have my days that I need to cope with and learn from.
Lastly, I want to thank my friends and family. All of them, near or far,whether they read this or not. Thanks to them, I have become a better person taking the right steps. And of course, thank you. Thank you dear reader. For getting to this line, for reading this carefully, for wanting to read it, for putting a like, a comment and sharing. I write this for me and for you. Because we are all human beings and it is important to remember that we can all help each other.
Moving forward onto more and more positive thoughts, more and more love, more and more believing and doing.
– The Always Believer
PS: Feel free to share your opinion,story and comments. Feel free to share it too. 🙂
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